Chapter Ten: Toes

Today I attended a 6 1/2 hour meditation retreat in Cambridge, Massachusetts through the Meditation-based Stress Reduction Program (it originally began in Boston through Jon Kabat-Zinn and has no spread throughout the country due to it's popularity and effects). My Mom attended the program last year and I decided to take the class this summer, and graduated from it in August. Lucky me, I found a all day retreat I was able to go to in Boston since I had completed the program already. I only had to pay ten dollars!
When you ask "what does one do at a meditation retreat", my answer is, "well...we do nothing". We simply pay attention to what is happening in every square inch of our bodies, and of equal importance, what is happening in our minds. We watch our thoughts float by, and simply note them as "Ah, thought!". We feel sharp sensations in our body and simply say "Ah, sensation!". It's like going to class and taking notes of yourself. And at the end of the day, you realize how much we truly disregard our bodies and mind, therefore disregarding the people around us. Meditation is such a cleanse for me, and it brings me back to my deeper, truer, and realer self.
Now, funny story about my meditation practice today. Usually in meditation I come out with lots of deep thoughts and feelings, and feel some sort of deep connection with myself. Yet today, the most important thing I learned about myself is the fact that I can move each one of my toes individually. Yes, my toes. My toes taught me the biggest lesson of all.
We were doing walking meditation, and I was walking slowly, trying to hard to just focus on my heel touching the floor, then my toes touching the floor, then my heel lifting, and then my toes lifting. Over and over again. Borrrrrrring! Then I started trying to place my foot more carefully and slowly on the ground. I ended up placing my little toe down, then each toe after that, all in a row.
Mind was blown.
Years ago, as a kid, I used to be obsessed with trying to move my toes. I never could move them individually, and I never thought toes were necessary because of that. years later, I realize how much of an epic fail my yoga practice would be without each of my toes. And today, my toes taught me a lesson. That the simplest movement, the simplest thing, that is what matters. My toes made me laugh aloud in my silent retreat today. My toes! I feel like a crazy person. But my toes were able to show my mind that it's not always about having the meaningful and deep thoughts in meditation. It's about laughing at the little things, because the little things are the things that always matter in the end.

My toes.

My Mom's toes.