Chapter Two: Embracing Pain

So now that I have talked about how I came to live in Maine, now I can talk about what it is like to actually live in Maine.

Moving in general is not the easiest thing in the world for me. I have had a solid physical foundation I call home that I lived in since I was about three years old until I was eighteen. So up-ing my possessions and my body is not something I readily agree with. Moving actually terrifies me. I have now moved seven times in the past two years. And it never, ever gets easier. For me, at least. Adjusting to a new place, a new town, new people, new accents, new language even, is flat out difficult to do. Each time I get to a new place I question why I am there. New and unknown places are scary. So that is what my first week at Green Acre has been: “Why the HECK am I here?!”

Over the past week, I have had my first three full days of work. We work from 7:00 AM until 4:00 PM. And it is HARD work. It is exhausting. I am part of the hospitality team, so we keep the school clean and absolutely pristine. One of the Baha’i principles is on cleanliness:

“Be ye the very essence of cleanliness amongst mankind.  This, truly, is what your Lord, the Incomparable, the All-Wise, desireth for you.”

Abdu’l Baha tells us that cleanliness, in the material world, is a powerful entity that has a great effect on the life of the spirit. Keeping your house, your car, and your body clean is essential for spiritual development. So, here at Green Acre, where spiritual development is why this place exists, we keep the Inn, the offices, the classrooms, the dining room, and all the rooms, clean. My co-workers and I’s efforts include vacuuming, dusting, making beds to perfection, cleaning toilets, scrubbing floors, and keeping everything looking beautifully. And boy oh boy, is this place clean.

The other days I have been here have included time spent at the beach (only fifteen minutes away!), a trip to Boston (only an hour away!), and time in the nearby town, Portsmouth.

So through each of these events, I have done a lot of thinking, and a lot of guessing to that question of my meaning here. I know I am here for some purpose, but wandering around random cities and cleaning to beyond what I think is actually clean, seems so...pointless. I keep wondering if I should have chosen to go to some third world country and helped orphans find food to eat, or put shoes on their feet. Or I could have volunteered in a hospital, right here in the United States. So my first week in Green Acre has been struggle on top of struggle. And it keeps coming back to “why am I here?!”. But maybe that question itself is the answer. 

For now, my answer is that I have to struggle. Pain is a natural and important part of life. We all want to be happy, but maybe embracing the pain is the best way to move us forward. But funny thing is, I have always known that. Or I thought I did. I  have always known that, but never accepted it. So right now, I am at Green Acre to sit back, and settle into the good and the bad. For right now, that is my purpose. That is why I am here, right now, to embrace pain and change, and to let it change and guide me. I’ll leave you with a quote that helps me attach meaning to pain quite easily.

Abdu’l Baha says:

"The mind and spirit of man advance when he is tried by suffering. The more the ground is ploughed the better the seed will grow, the better the harvest will be. Just as the plough furrows the earth deeply, purifying it of weeds and thistles, so suffering and tribulation free man from the petty affairs of this worldly life until he arrives at a state of complete detachment. His attitude in this world will be that of divine happiness. Man is, so to speak, unripe: the heat of the fire of suffering will mature him. Look back to the times past and you will find that the greatest men have suffered most."